Sorry for late reply coz I have been sinking into my own thoughts. A recent activity theme reminds me of your comment and I have something to share.
Firstly, thank you for your kind words and sharing! I feel sorry for your condition in the past, I hope that it no longer bothers you anymore. Finally being able to enjoy sex after all those unhappy experiences, I am genuinely so happy for you, I also admire how you are willing to reach out and seek help, and sharing this to us.
Yes I think my insecurities has improved a lot, thanks to s&b and participants who have been so supportive.
But speaking of being expressive about sex, I agree with you that being open about these issues is very important! Coz given the restraints and traumas I experienced in childhood, I understand extremely well how unbearable it could be if one keeps everything to themselves.
Sadly, I have not fully got over those traumas, sex in parties are perfectly fine, but whenever I come back to ‘tower’, at times, I could still hardly breathe or make a sound, as if somebody is choking my neck or outside the door ready to storm in during masturbation. I still sometimes dream of my ‘horny’ self being exposed, I got to admit it is still my darkest nightmare.
There is a recent activity named 隔牆有耳, the rule is ‘try not to make any sound otherwise others would storm in’. I was like haha (sarcastic)…that’s my thing, I gonna nail it, well who does it better than me. I have to say I have mixed feelings towards this theme, on one hand, instead of pleasure or excitement, being forced to keep silence during orgasm has been a long-term torture and suffer to me, on the other hand, this might be a way to cure my ‘aphasia’ during masturbation by facing this fear.
But at last…I didn’t get into bed with anyone during that activity, becoz of period and I was too busy. But thanks to coco’s great sense of humor, I found that I could actually laugh over these matter right now. And listening to other girls’ ‘suppressed’ moaning is actually very enjoyable.
Omg that’s too long for a comment, I should stop here, keep it up with your sincere and quality comments, hope to see you in parties!
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回顧第一次活動，雖然唔係過左好耐，但係呢段時間我都真係學習同成長左唔少(um...多人嗰陣話少同埋唔識傾甜方面都係無乜長進)，希望你都可以係呢度搵到你想要嘅嘢啦